Well well Well...haven been blogging for quite a while cos i've been working...the 1st time that i manage to stay on to a job for so long...lolx..i'm into my 4th week of work...probably things didnt reali go well for mi since i started work...had some work problems and some relationship problems wif piggy....

Hmm...I felt kinda left out at work...not becos of my relationship with my colleagues...it's the kind of work load...I'm like doing all kinds of stuffs in the office, somehow like a odd job labourer...others got the chance to be on the "frontline" to serve the pax but i'm like being dumped in a area to do all sorts of filing and phone calling...Tis kinda job is damn bored...i dun even noe how i manage to hold till tis far...probably tis is a blessing in disguise cos i dun haf to work on weekends...and probably work half day on some sat...but i was hoping to be able to expose much more to the outer world...am i being too anxious? I hope not...Juz hope everything will go well for mi as from now...

Lately, seems to be having some problems with piggy...the 1st incident happened on 14/4...i was so afraid and stressed out that we will be broken up by my parents...i reali couldnt take it anymore that i reali broke down hard in tears in front of piggy,i could no longer hide up or bottle up my feelings,felt so stressed up...i was afraid to tell piggy as well cos i didnt want tis matter to bother him...i noe how it feels when tis kinda of things are bothering u...next incident happened 1-2 days later...i found out that piggy had actually lied to mi...and i was like being lied for abt half a year...damn holy shit!!! i juz felt so disappointed...so dispppointed...the kinda of feeling is juz like ur husband/bf having an affair outside...F***!!! damn it!!! i admit that i reali wanted to end off the relationship at that moment of time...i juz couldnt take it...when there's a 1st time, there's a high chances of a 2nd time...it greatly affected the trust that i haf in him...he even said that it wasnt important to tell mi at that moment of time...Though it all happened b4 he got to noe mi but it reali did affected mi alot...the kinda emotional obstacles that i couldnt get over...since that day, i've been having nitemarez...almost every night...and juz yesterday, he got fed up with mi juz becos i keep on saying that it was his fault over certain matters...i meant it as a joke but he felt that it was too irritating...he felt that i was FAN!!! I didnt wana make things worst so i gave in and apologised...hardly see mi apologise or give in to such cases...I muz haf been possessed...
After so many unhappy incident, our relationship has worsen by certain degree of judgement...it takes so much effort from both of us to build our relationship to tis stable stage, now such saddening incidents happened...it reali did affect us quite alot...I hope all tis kind of stupid incidents will not happen from now on...reali hope that we can continue to walk down tis diffcult pathway together...

12/4...piggy noes wat i've been wanting/yearning for...but up till now, i still haven got it...he could haf noe it but not do it...Well...probably it's all predestinated that i cant own it...that's sad but i'll learn to let it go...i'll try to learn to let go of all the unhappy incidents...

Soon, we are going to be together for almost a year alreadi...tis period of time haf been rather tiring for mi cos i fear of alot of things...main fear is still afraid of losing piggy...i dun wana care much now...juz wana continue my lazy piggy life with piggy happily...Cheers!!!

LOvE yA PiGGy!!! LOvE yA PiGGy!!! LOvE yA PiGGy!!!


love you

on Monday, April 25, 2005; 11:03 pm